Desperate.

My life sucks. Seriously. OI have never ever told anyone about me depression. I've had it for about three years now. I'm only 16. To be honest, I think its gettin worse an worse. I keep wanting to kill myself. Its pathetic. I want someone tk talk to. Anyone. Even a random stranger. I want someone to listen to me. To know the real me that I've been hiding so long. I want a friend. I want someone who cares. I want to go home. I want to die. I want to cry. I want to stop feeling this way. I want the world to stop and let me breath.i want tp hold back the tears that are falling down my face right now. I want to scream. I am lonely.

Wow.

I just realized that no one will ever read my blogs. Oh well.

A Mess

I feel like I'm becoming a mess. So much is going on. First of all, I used to go to a very small middle school. We were smart,but small. Everyone knew everyone. We all loved it there. When we went to different hjgh schools, we still hung out about every other month. We were still really close. We texted and fscebooked. But everyone including me, started making new friends and slowly fell apart from each other. I was still trying to hold us all in togrther. When summer started, it went great. We all got back together ans hung out, but they started to bring their new friends and things just became awkward. There was a guy i liked in our little group. Lets just say his name is Ben. Ben and i had been friends for a long time and i've liked him since forever. But he started hanging out with new girls and never even talked to me anymore. I was still trying to hold on to our friendship but it fell through. One day, this guy threw a party at the pool and i was really excited because it was our group plus a lot of their friend which i did not know. But i thouht, who cares and went. I was wrong. He never said hi. In fact, our group failed to even say hi to me. Disappointed and holdin back tears, i left. My family was also planning to move in two weeks so it would be the last time I ever see them. Later in the week, there was another party but Ben failed to show up. Soon after that, he told me he would be at a party after it so I told him id see him there. But the place where they had their party was stopped letting people in because it was too full so i went home, crying. He didnt care.